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[02 Apr 2008|08:16am] |
i went to the antm audition this past saturday and let me tell you it was quite an experience. there were over 1000 girls there. i wait for 6 hours, but it was cool because i made friends with 3 other girls and of course one of them happened to be a stoner. good times. they broke us off into groups of about 150 or so and then from there the casting director made a cut to like 8 and i made it! pretty exciting, but that was it. i'm not counting on it, but definitely fun times. today i'm going to see a woman at red talent agency to possibly do some hair modeling for her and then later i'm seeing someone from bravtv to possibly be a hair model on SHEER GENIUS! um hello? so good stuff.
i'm ready for a big change :)
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[27 Mar 2008|03:04pm] |
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i booked a job! not just a job, but a tv job! yay. i'm going to be on descontrol dancing in a bikini. :) ha
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[27 Mar 2008|10:04am] |
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mood |
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 energetic |
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i'm not on academic probation! csun sent me a letter in the mail saying they made a mistake. i knew it didn't make sense and not just because i wanted it so. things are going fairly well. today's the big court date so i'm crossing my fingers for joe and the rest of my pac family. audition today and tomorrow. cool. ANTM this sat. so effing exciting cannot even express. i've been feeling good about it all week, so i hope that continues for sat.
love
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[14 Mar 2008|08:08am] |
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mood |
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 uncomfortable |
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academic probation what? ya. great news to here right before spring break. what i'm wondering is where they are getting these grades from. my math class has 2 different professors now. we've taken one quiz. he never handed it back and we still have done anything for a grade. my soc 202 class consists of me getting to csun at 7:45 so i can watch my professor play on his computer for an hour and stare at his students in a non-blinking fashion. creepy...geography.. i'll own up to that. i did good on the first quiz 90... bad on the midterm 62 and really bad on the last quiz 40. soc 250 i have a midterm today which i had to reschedule for a photoshoot and the lady hasn't even gotten back to me. :( ballroom is excellent. i am confident that i have an a in that class.
on a more positive note i will officially be on break at about 1- 1:15 this afternoon. what's the first thing i'm gonna do? work. god. lol. atleast i'm going camping next wednesday. i'm not feeling so peachy keen lately.
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| pac |
[08 Mar 2008|09:15am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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This is insanity. I'm struggling with the information I see regarding Joey. Did he? If he did, is this the end? My home for 11 years. Is this it? Sometimes I wonder what it is that initially makes us come to a decision. Important ones I mean. Like forshadowing it or something. My mom said if we lived 100 years ago we'd probably be killed for witchcraft. I looked at her and then I was like ya she would have a pot with crazy shenanigens. Anyway, I don't know. I do find it ironic that I'm taking a course focusing on the criminal justic system and how it can work against you. Innocent until proven guilty. But here we are guilty until proven innocent. And proving innonence is no small feat. I'm not saying I think one opinion is right and the other is wrong, I am just looking at all of this and I can't help but cry. For everyone involved. This is my family. Even though I have neglected that family for some time now, they are still my family. I hope everything will be okay. I don't know. I guess we'll all just wait and see.
I just think of all the chinese proverbs, men's class, pas, rehearsals, lectures... no matter how painful and grueling he pushed me. He has a vision. I can respect that above everything else.
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| let it roll baby roll |
[05 Mar 2008|08:58am] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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roadhouse blues |
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sometimes i wonder if someone's up there watching me going, "you're an idiot." whatever. i'll just assume there isn't and things will go along smoothly. didn't get the audition i went on monday. lame. whatev. if i got it i would be able to do top model. not that i'm doing top model but it's a possibility. the fashion show is fun, i just wish it were sooner. may 31 seems like a long time from now. i got a d on my geography midterm. apparently everyone did badly, but that doesn't make me feel better. it's geography! ugh. i haven't picked up my bass in what feels like forever. i don't have time. that's an excuse. i don't make time. there we go. why? i don't know. alex? maybe. i just like to think it's because i'm concentrating on the modeling thing right now... ya that's it.
don't worry we'll still start a band, rule the world.
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[15 Feb 2008|09:35am] |
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mood |
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 complacent |
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so i was kinda sad right now when i went to alex's page and i was completely erased. pictures, mentions, status. although i did the same thing, i don't know, it kinda sucks to know he's moved on. not that myspace is the indicator of all things real.... far from it. i feel really conflicted still, but i'm staying strong by not flip-flopping on my decision. i wanted to be clear/direct which i was. i'm not taking it too far. i'm doing what i need to do.
production meeting for a music video at 1pm. first rehearsal for the fashion show next week. purrrrrty excited.
oh and dani's coming today. YAY~!
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| 20 |
[03 Feb 2008|09:15am] |
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mood |
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 scared |
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This has probably been the worst birthday ever. I hate to sit here and complain, but it has been. Alex and I broke up, are on a break, whatever and I basically have been crying/over-analyzing and second-guessing myself ever since. How can something be so perfectly clear in your head, but when you put that into action everything seems completely wrong. I'm so emotionally drained and confused. "you did the right thing..." I keep hearing that. What does that mean? I'm still sitting here broken-hearted wishing this could just go away. Every second away from him hurts so badly. I don't even know what the answer is. Get back together? It doesn't change anything. Flowers don't fix it. I want to believe him and give him another chance, but I don't know if I can. He's disappointed me before, and I don't think I can take it again. I allowed myself to be completely vulnerable in this relationship for the first time ever and I feel like I just got trampled on. I just want to escape and have all my concerns melt away.
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[01 Feb 2008|09:30am] |
it doesn't feel like my birthday.
however i do appreciate all the love :)
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| :) |
[30 Jan 2008|08:58am] |
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mood |
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excited |
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so kinda really nervous about tomorrow. class til 12 w/e and then i have a producer's callback for "miss hollywood desperado" at 1pm in beverly hills, then a music video audtion at 3:25 in la. (3:25, really?!? that's what he said on the message tho lol). and an audition for a fashion show in studio city at 5pm. i'm excited though, and i'm glad i have a day to mentally prepare.
i have a feeling i'm not really going to be that into school this semester... eek. no bueno. but i can't help it, i just want to take all the opportunities i can. hopefully i'll be able to keep up w/ everything, although that seems highly unlikely at this point
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[29 Jan 2008|06:53am] |
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mood |
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excited |
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UM. YAY. so last night after i got off work i listened to my voicemail and i got a producer's callback for this thing called "hollywood desperado". it's going to be for the web i believe, but it's featuring up and coming models and they want to see me! so basically really excited, cuz they said they'd be willing to work around my schedule to see me and the taping is fri (my bday...) haha. ya so good times. i still really would love to hear from the people doing the chatsworth fashion show, but we'll see.
i'm afraid this auditioning and such is going to interfere w/ school, especially since i already missed a class and i've only been in school for a week. meh. i guess i'll just roll w/ the punches for now. ( horrible cliche.)
as far as he goes, things are alright. we haven't been spending as much time together, but i think seeing each other EVERYDAY over winter break was prob not the best idea in the world. it's nice being in a relationship, but sometimes i wonder if this is the time in my life to be with someone or to be on my own... i also think i'm overanalyzing the whole thing entirely too much. i just wish i could get some clear perspective because i'm too close to the whole thing to really look at it and see what's wrong.
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[23 Jan 2008|10:26am] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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i hate that my emotions are like a roller coaster these days. i feel like i am two people and i don't know who's coming out to play each day... i'm tired of the inconsistency, i'm tired of playing the waiting game, and i'm tired of making excuses for people. i need a vacation or something. i just wish i could trade places with someone just so i know that i'm not the only crazy one here.
i'm really looking forward to tomorrow night. more so now because it looks like its going to be my only birthday celebration with my friends and i'm definitely glad it's with my loves.
off to school, whoopidy doo!
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| these are the best days |
[19 Jan 2008|09:47am] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
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music |
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ramble on- led zeppelin |
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it was good to be silly and have fun last night. even if i lost 3 games of beer pong :)
and why did he feel the need to mention he was just thinking about me the other day. confused as usual. at least i know i'm getting back to me. i've gotten pretty comfortable with being confused.
i want to sun bathe all day.
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| !?!?!??! |
[06 Dec 2007|07:40pm] |
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mood |
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pissed off |
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CSUN has the most retarded registration system. The fact that it is taking 10 minutes for a page to load so that I can enroll in my classes is completely ridiculous. I am so frustrated I don't even know what to do, especially given the fact that there are about 3 spots available for the classes I wish to enroll in.
FUCK YOU CSUN.
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[11 Sep 2007|12:02am] |
This last week has been extremely difficult for me. I'm finding it really hard to balance everything in life. I just felt like all the forces were against me and I struggled through everyday last week. I can feel tears surfacing over the tiniest discrepincy in my day and I hate feeling like that all the time. The nagging feeling that I forgot to do something or I don't have the time to put into something. I really hope this week goes by smoother, but after today it doesn't seem like that is going to happen. I just need to find my rhythm again. I feel like there is no flow to my life. I just keep pushing through.
On a happier note: i'm really happy w/ boy right now. i feel like he's the only one keeping me sane right now. the days i don't see him i feel like i'm going to fall apart. so i try not to do that too often.
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